no one understands.
and no one EVER will.

Kiss Off.

"Love

She tries it on like a dress.

She decides it doesn't fit,

And starts to take it off.

Her skin comes too."

"The Heart

In the desert

I saw a creature, naked, bestial,

Who, squatting upon the ground,

Held his heart in his hands,

And ate of it.

I said, "Is it good, friend?"

"It is bitter--bitter," he answered;

"But i like it

Because it is bitter,

And because it is my heart."

It Had To Be You.

"Do you feel a certain sense of synergy between yourself and me? A kind of macabre and somber Wondertwin type of harmony. What if it was you? You that I needed all along.

What if it was you? You that I needed all along. I felt like a fool. Thinking we were completely wrong. It seemed like a dream, a beautiful scream That echoed forever and made us not afraid to feel a thing.

And after it ends, We’ll try to be friends. They say that what doesn’t kill us makes us who we are. All this time and everything’s changed but I still feel the same. All good things eventually end and get washed down the drain. What a disaster it would be if you discovered that I cared a little too much for friends but not enough to share.

What if it was you? You that I needed all along. I felt like a fool. Now that I’m sure that I was wrong… It had to be you. It had to be you. It had to be you. I knew it was you."

— Motion City Soundtrack

New Years.

I hate New Years Eve. This is absolutely, hands down the worst holiday ever invented. We should not celebrate the start of a New Year. Who cares? One day shouldn't change what you are going to do for the whole year. Change whenever you feel the need to change. Also, why would you put SO MUCH pressure on one day? What if new years is shitty? Does that mean your whole year is shitty? I feel so obligated to have a terrific, awesome, amazing time that im STRESSING. I'm stressing about having fun. There is something wrong with this picture. The people i spend my new years with should be my best of friends, but some of them won't be there. I don't want to bring in a new year without EVERYONE i love around me. This is just an excuse to make out at midnight, get drunk and overindulge on everything you swear you're not going to do for the next 364 days... but you'll probably end up doing it anyway. I know i sound like the biggest scrooge in the world right now, and you're thinkign wow what a negative way to start of the year... NO!! This day will not define my year. NO. If i let last year define my year then i would say that i had a shitty boyfriend, parents and friends.... wait. hahah. I DID have a shitty boyfriend and parents. So i could be wrong. Maybe it does. WHICH IS WHY ONCE AGAIN I SAY NEW YEARS SUCKS!

Happy New Year everyone!!!!!
:D
:D
:D
:D
D:
D:DD:D::D
:Dkjewklhjrae;jekfwl

Sanctus Real

"If weakness is a wound, that no one wants to speak of then 'cool' is just how far we have to fall. I am not immune, i only want to be loved but i feel safe behind this firewall. Can i lose my need to impress? If you want the truth, i need to confess i'm not alright. I'm broken inside and all that i go through just leads me to you. Burn away the pride, bring me to my weakness until everything i hide behind is gone. And when i'm open wide, with nothing left to cling to only you are there to lead me on. Cause honestly, i’m not that strong."

-I'm Not Alright.

You are my writers block.

Here's to tomorrow.

     I’m not sure what I want at all, but I think I’m okay with it. I’m confident, happy, energized and ready to take on everything that is going to be thrown my way this year. The striking differences between the new me, and last semesters me is undeniable. I don’t think I could live through another semester like the last; it stripped me down to absolutely nothing. I spent so many empty nights crying more than I think anyone has ever cried before. My body can’t handle the eruptions of emotion that those sorrowful nights brought to me. Never ever again do I want to sit on that cold, hard bathroom floor helpless, looking for ANYONE to give me feeling, to make me better. I looked for that person in all the wrong places; the flirtatious cheater at work, the really good fakers, stranger at the party and even in some of my best friends. Love doesn’t heal you, it cuts into you deeper and deeper to get to your heart and I wasn’t anywhere near ready to be cut open again. You have to put on a new layer of yourself every morning when you wake up and hope it stays on during the day, and that’s what I’ve been doing. Finally, I think they’re starting to stay. I feel stronger, but not quite ready for romance to dig into me again. Surprisingly, I think I’m done working on myself. I was never like this before, I was never so self centered. But as soon as my heart fell apart, all I did was stay on my knees with my head down looking for the rest of myself. I owe all my friend apologies for ignoring their needs over the last few months, I’m so sorry I changed. This year I’m refocusing myself. One person cannot change my whole life, and I can’t believe I almost let him. I’m getting involved again. I used to volunteer, read, listen and pray but I was so caught up in my despair that I let that part of me slip away. I’m ready to help again, to learn, to be there for people and to reconnect with everything bigger than me. I’m ready to grow into who I’m supposed to become. I don’t need anyone but my friends to assure me that I am a person—guys can’t do that for you and now that I look back I can’t believe that’s what I used to think. The right one may not come along within the next month or year, but I’m going to be completely okay with that. I’m having so so so much fun just discovering. I was so stuck on going walking backwards trying to find what I lost along the way that I forgot about all the new and exciting things that are right in front of me. I can’t wait to begin again. I love hearing myself laugh like I used to. And I love looking in the mirror and genuinely smiling. I love the pictures that are taken at the wrong moments, and although it may not catch us with the perfect smile, the happiness is still there. I love walking by myself not because I’m hiding my tears, but because I need time to think about all the reasons why I am blessed. Here’s to not only a terrific new year, but to a new tomorrow.